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With force and feeling

So, I'm sitting in the dining hall forcing myself to eat and do my homework. And its not even that the food or the reading i was assigned is bad- theyre actually not. I just dont feel like dealing with either of them. I basically just want to lose myself in staring at my laptop sccreen rather than doing what i need to.

Dinner this evening is mac'n'cheese. The reading is "belly of the atlantic" by fatou diome. The distraction: two animes, sengoku basara and escaflowne.

Today, i made myself sick through over eating during lunch and later i fantasized about drinking water.

I also slept through the beginning of my expos final after pulling an all nighter to complete an over due expos essay. Tonight, i'm doing something similar except with history. Sigh.

Anyways, gots to go, ciao
Sion Out

Ease makes waste

So, i'm sitting in precalc and i've found that lj is easier to update via my zune than tumblr. So here i am... I'm back... I guess... And now class is over... Ciao


why is it that heather (my brother's girlfriend) is angry at me. she came over MY house and was in MY living room while I was learning how to make fire without matches. Then the princess bride was on so i watched if. if she really wanted time alone with my brother, she should just tell her parents that she has a boyfriend (although that's kind of obvious because of the way she's always hanging out "with me" even though i barely talk to her) and arrange a real date.

i have a right to watch tv in my own living room. it's not my fault i didnt have the channels i was watching on the tv in my bedroom. its not my fault that my dad said they werent allowed in the bedroom. also, j hung out while i was hanging with mike when he came over our mom's house- its only right that i do that same for him and heather. plus, i wasnt even paying attention to them, i was minding my own business, watching tv, and eating popcorn.


jupiter beneath the moon

Lately, i've been trying to rearrange my sleeping schedule so that i actually get more sleep each night. so far, it isnt working. but it wasnt because i wasnt tired or even able to sleep at the time- it was because i went to the library and i got this book (bad moon rising- sherrilyn kenyon) that i really wanted so i stayed up late to read it. THEN i had the awful idea to read another book after that. i didnt get to bed until after 4:30 this morning... after having woken up at about 6:30 the previous day, meaning that i stayed up for 22 hours. and after those 22 grueling hours, i slept for 2 hours then barely woke up to go to school. i didnt eat breakfast 'cause i woke up so late that i only had time to lethargically get dressed then get out the door... i did have a buttered, toasted bagel packed along with my lunch so i had that later.

at school, i didnt trust myself to actually climb during rock wall since i was so tired so i watched everyone else play duck duck goose. i'm completely serious, no body wanted to climb and even the teacher was playing... it was HILARIOUS! in any case, i passed by most of the day in quite a daze... there isnt really much to report. at least until commercial arts... which was fun... 'cause i got to work with pictures of travis fimmel (who is fucking hot! especially in that video where some one used his picture to represent acheron from my favorite novel of the same name)... then lunch. i went to the library with sarah again. i also perked up since she broke out our comic thingy... the rest of the day was ok 'cept that lit club was cancelled since there were no late buses so i had to hitch a ride with eric to get home

when we got home, we went out for fries with our younger siblings. it was cool. i love fries. we arrived home afterward, i had to do the dishes before dinner and then i went to my room to read for a while since dinner would be ready soon. i actually fell asleep but it wasnt for very long. dinner came along and i was too tired to eat anything. plus, i was a little bit leery about what my mom had made. let me just put it this way, i dont do st. patrick's day cuisine.... after dinner, i went back to reading and took a shower around 9 or so then i logged on at about 9:30 and that's where i've been ever since...

anyways, i got some stuff to do... such as inking then scanning some images for my story... yay me... then after that, i actually have to do my homework, lol.

oh, and my knuckles hurt from typing so much in such a cold room... i feel so old...



from dawn til dusk til the day i die

i is so sleepy. today was quite a full day... i woke up bright and early 'cause i was leaving with my dad and brother to return to my mom's house. when i got to my moms house, i immediately started doing laundry... i did three loads then i went with my brother to the library 'cause we had overdue books. before the library we went to rite-aid to get stuff to drink then we endured the torturous three miles to the library, most of it was against the wind and about half of it was uphill... it sucked... when i did finally arrive a the library, i got a lot of books, most of which were completely free since they were from the free shelves and did not actually belong to the library. i got so many that the three books i did get from the library had to be held in my brothers bag. i also got six cds...

when we got home, i started ripping the cds while j took a shower. i called eric to see if he and nic were available for some hang-out time. only eric was home 'cause nic was out with their dad. so i told eric that i'd call him back when i was done with my shower... so i took a shower after ripping all the cds then i called eric. he came over and we ordered pizza... nic got home when the pizza arrived and we all went onto my back porch and had a late lunch (by that time it was about 3 or 4)... after devouring that poor large plain pizza we hung out and chatted for a while like we normally do, listening to music, and such.

at one point, j brought out my guitar out 'cause he needed nic's help with his audition piece for guitar ensemble. eric and i sat in the lawn chairs and basically did nothing. eventually it started raining and we went our separate ways. soon after that, i retreated to my room and did some homework before dinner. after dinner, i tried to figure which out of the books i got from that library i'll read next then i watched house. after house, i logged on, followed my typical routine and started reading "love celeb" by shinjo mayu... and i've been doing that, and writing this bit by bit, ever since.

the end

Freedom Master

so, lately, i've been downloading a lot of music off the internet through youtube... and zamzar.com... its a long and tedious process and sometimes zamzar just turns against me. right now, i'm working on some japanese songs that i've been meaning to get ever since i heard them on my animes. i've gotten quite a few so far but now the program or whatever is stuck on one song. it wont convert the file so i can download it and its very frustrating.

in either case, today was my first full day with the new hair cut. frankly, the only bad part was when i lost my favorite hair clip... today was the first jcl meeting... toni and i ran for co-historias (scrap book maker) and failed. but that was ok. it just means we'll have more time for other things. also, the BOE changed up the bus routes so now toni is on my after school bus... which didnt really matter considering i spent almost the entire ride playing hexic on my zune and listening to asian music...

toni and i were talking earlier and we commented on how cool it would be if there was a jcl blog... it was a tiny bit dorky but there you have it...

today nic came over with a bunch of cds and j ripped them all so now we have a bunch of senses fail on our zunes... meh...

also, note to self, update j zune...

tomorrow i return to my dads house where i will probably go to sleep within ten minutes of getting there. and after that nap, i'll probably return to downloading music... c'est la vie, i suppose....

i dont have much to say... i also dont have much to do. after this, i'm just gonna watch a movie or something and do my english homeworks.

anyways, ciao


Sep. 23rd, 2009

so...  got my hair cut today for the first time in, like, four years... it was cool...

went out for ice cream with boys that chatted for a while before hair cut appointment

school was blah. was very tired because went to bed early and woke up late. took a nap in shakespeare that helped. brought momo to school. literary club was cancelled, not particularly sorry...

not much to say. very tired... working on zunes, adding new music etc...

ciao, just wanted to make brief comments about day...


the problem with me

the problem with me is that i do a lot of work in my spare time. i like working. i'm happiest when working. so, like, i've learned a lot on my own. then we learn the stuff in school and the teachs are all like, what do you want to learn? and i'm like, i've already learned this shit. theres nothing i can do. so i end up bored and slightly disappointed with a class.

in either case, i was assigned this homework where i have to google a greek god or goddess and list 10 facts that i didnt already know...  now, listing ten facts is not hard. finding 10 that i didnt already know is like, super difficult for me. so i had to pick a goddess i didnt really care about (since i like the gods better than goddesses, i know more about the gods therefore, have to research the womenfolk) just in case i could find stuff that i didnt know...

it sucks... i have to go do the work now... whatever

i totally lost my train of thought. it's a'cause i'm listening to shane dawson videos. theyre sapping my intelligence....



bad day

what the fuck is with today. it just seems to suck, period. you'd think that since i started off my day with a nice big cup of hot cocoa i'd be happier but im not. today really sucked for me. i dont care that you can say, oh, today isnt bad since you and your friends are all alive and healthy. i'm not looking at blessings. blessings dont help when youre totally pissed. and blessings dont actually fix anything. theyre just an excuse for shutting people up who are complaining about their problems. i need to vent so you can all just shut the fuck up and sit there and listen, proverbially.

i had a bad morning. i had less that two hours of sleep so it was really unwise to fuck with me. my mother just annoyed me as usual and so did my younger brother with all his stupid questions. the bus was a bitch, as is expected. school sucked with gym as first period. i was sort of happier since the sugar from the hot cocoa was finally setting in.

the rest of the day was bland. my english classes were, as usual, pretty fun... 'cause thats the way they are. i didnt pay attention at all in pre-calculus, again, as usual. i did quite a bit of work in commercial arts and from there i had to visit the guidance office to pick up some stuff for some early decision crap for college. lunch sucked. i just wanted to accomplish a little bit of work and tell taylor about the brilliant revelation i had last night but, as usual, again, again, nobody wanted to work but me. i went to computer animation and it was meh. actually learned something in the class but it wasnt anything special... bus was bitch again because was so hot.

just a side note, i do not like being hot. it makes me have an even shorter temper than normal. added to the fact i was tired, you get a bitch much worse than the typical me- who is often called a bitch just in general.

got home, was uber tired but had to clean off bed before could sleep since they made me pick up everything off my floor so they could vacuum. i store a lot of crap on the floor 'cause theres not a lot of storage space otherwise. in either case, i put all the stuff that was on the floor- the stuff to take to dads house, my school books, my library books, my guitar, my school supplies, my box of nail polish accoutrements- all of it went on my bed. when i was done cleaning, i started doing homework but i passed out like i normally do. woke up for dinner. did some homework after dinner. watched bones with my mom then waited for my brother to log off the computer.

all in all, it doesnt sound like a bad day but i am just so easily irritated right now. i'm not happy, at all... i'm tired, i'm restless, i'm bored, i'm disappointed, i'm impatient, i'm frustrated.



everybody is a bitch

right now, my computer is being a total bitch. firstly, facebook is not working particularly well and secondly, the zune program is just being a pain in my cute little ass... jk, jk... but it is being annoying.

didnt do anything today. woke up around 10 or so 'cause yard workers across street made a lot of noise. i live in a town house complex so somebody else does the grass for everyone... in any case. i woke up and read for a while before finally going downstairs to have a bowl of captain crunch for breakfast. after that i left with julien and my mom's husband to go see my mom at work 'cause i had nothing better to do. we walked around the rutgers campus (my mom works in one of their annexes). it was hot and i got really unhappy. this cool cat does not do hot weather. so i turned into a distempered bitch.

we got home and j and i left for the plaza. we went out to lunch as a.) a celebration of the last day of summer and b.)a way to ease our hunger. we had a single slice of pizza each and some fries from the deli. it was good. after relaxing a chatting a bit, we hopped back on our bikes and rode home. got home, i went to my room, finished the book i started earlier today, then took a nap. i woke up in time for dinner. after dinner, i put away the leftovers then took a shower then hopped on the computer. plain and simple...

while on the computer, i checked out my normal websites, added some new gadgets to my side-bar, ripped some cds and worked on our (mine and my brother's) zunes. i've been doing that for a while, now. i apparently have a lot to add from this computer to my zune. i'm actually a little bit afraid 'cause theres so much to be added and i'm not sure it'll all fit on my poor little zune-idoodle... lolz, i'm an idiot. seriously.

in either case, i'm again waiting a phone call from my boyfriend. he almost always calls me each night. the only time he doesnt is when i'm pms-ing... for which i'm very thankful....

after this, i'm gonna work on some stuff for a story i'm writing with my friend taylor... i'll post it here one day but i'll have to talk to her about that... i'm not sure she'd like that... but frankly, what she doesnt know doesnt hurt me...

meh... i dont care.... i'm off to bed...

hello again...

so its been a really long time since i last added anything. i've kind of replaced this journal thing with facebook. i'm not sure if i'm entirely sorry. i kinda miss this but theres not really much i can do about it. i cant go back in time and make myself continue writing here no matter what. world dont flow that way, homie.

as it is, i'm just waiting for a call from my boyfriend. i got a new one... it took like a year, though. i cant remember how long ago exactly it was that i forced schumacher to dump me. i do know, however, that mike and i have been going out for almost 5 months now...  a lot has happened in my life. so much that i cant list it all. its been nearly a year since i last posted anything so thats not surprising. ... i just wanted to check up on this thing and add something, you know...

in any case.... i dont really know what to say now that i've gotten this far.
well, lets just start of chronologically.

this morning, i went to be rather late, as usual. such is the insomniac that i am... i cant remember what time it was when i last looked at the clock. it must have been around four. i remember tossing and turning on the floor 'cause i meant to take a little nap then wake up to clean my room (i had to or else i wasnt going to be allowed to go to the party this afternoon). i never did really wake up from that nap.

around four or so, i finally climbed into bed and went to sleep but i woke up a couple hours later writhing in pain from some persistant cramps. after a while, i gave in and got up to get aspirin. i didnt actually sleep until after they'd kicked in. so after that, i slept until 10 or so when i got up, made myself a small breakfast and started a couple loads of laundry and began cleaning my room.

i finished my room around 1 or so at which point i left with my brother for a bike ride to the library. i dont really enjoy these bike rides anymore since julien always increases the speed per trip so each one is faster than the last. i always feel like jello when we reach the library. i didnt check out any books there but my brother did. we rested for a little while and they we hopped on our bikes for the three mile ride home. i demanded, however, that it be a rather leisurely ride and julien thankfully acquiesced.

we got home and i threw one load of laundry in the dryer and took a quickie shower to wash the sweat off before the party. when i got out of the five-minute shower, my mom and her husband had arrived home from hiking and we left to go to my friends house. i arrived and started playing with alyssa's cats. after that, several other people arrived including lizzie, ayesha, nic and eric, tasha, meghan, new kid (brian) and a bunch of other people i dont quite care for. melissa and allison were already there and the party quickly escalated into our typical get togethers: all of us acting high while several of us disrobe to varying levels of dishabille.

it was actually a little scary cause nic, who normally is the good kid who avoids physical contact turned into manslut. his best buddy brian did so as well. i have to say, however, that i enjoyed brian more since i dont view him as a little brother. after all, nic and eric live across the street from me and we, along with my actual brother, hang out all the time. anyways, lizzie enjoyed brian as well. it was very amusing because she was thwarting her boyfriend who happens to be a good friend of my boyfriend. it was like a double threat-revenge thing.

through the chips and dinner phases everything was just fine. from there, we moved onto dancing and truth or dare. i didnt get a very good dare at all... i really wished they'd get me to do something that did not involve dancing or doing something easy and silly. but they didnt. thus i left the party, much later, disappointed. eventually, they brought out this huge ass cake and lizzie and i shared a piece because we're like that with our itty bitty stomachs. soon, there was a cake fight and everyone was spreading cake and icing on each others faces. after the cake, we returned to dancing and some how that degenerated into... well.... into strip teasing and pouring water on the topless guys.

okay, a side note, i will give a hug to any reasonably attractive guy who takes of his shirt in front of me. period. in fact, i will give pretty much any reasonably attractive guy a hug no matter what... well... except for if there were extenuating circumstances that would damage and complicate my relationship with said guy.
i've in fact sat in the laps of all of my favorite guys. and, unwisely of me, i've even sat, barely clothed, in the lap of the one guy i shouldnt.
i really hope said guy doesnt find this because if i found out that he was correcting me for something i said about him in this i would seriously hole up in a corner and wait for death.
in any case, what i mean to say is that its obvious the guy has feelings for me. when i consulted all my friends on whether i should accept mike as my boyfriend or not lizzie said that i couldnt abandon eric (the guy) but she later said that i should totally go out with mike. it didnt matter in the end since i accepted his "proposal" and we have not been dating for the aforementioned amount of time. but mike and i feel sort of bad about the situation with eric. 'cause... i did sort of abandon him.... for another dude... and that totally blows, you know... ::sigh::

anyways, as i was saying. after the wet topless guys the party started to wind down. several people left and we started watching rocky horror picture show. most of us did the time warp. several of us sang along. then i left with nic and eric for home (since they live across the street from me). melissa, whom most call missy and i call meru, finally convinced nic to get the cell phone numbers of some girls. he collected three of them this evening.

when i got home, i was yelled at for being nearly an hour late. i've found that i get yelled at alot... i retreated to my bed room where i changed into pajamas and grabbed my purse and my camera. i ran downstairs and hopped online, visiting all my typical sites before finally deciding to revisit this website and post something and here we are now....

and, just to be clear, this is not ALL that has happened this evening. this is just all i care to put in chronological order.

now, for some random thoughts... loving for me, is a very amorphous thing. i actually tend to develop crushes pretty easily. the crushes sort of stay for a while but they exist and are shown merely as favoritism. this does not mean, however, that anyone i show favoritism to is a crush, it just means that i hide my crushes amongst my favorite guys.
i've never actually had a crush on a girl. i wouldnt mind if i did. i'm sort of bi-curious but i havent actually been attracted to a girl in any way other than friendship. which i'm fine with, as well. especially because theres nothing i can really do about it.

also, my hair, which has been growing for almost my entire high school career, is now between 23 and 28 inches, depending on where you measure. it will be cut on tuesday. i plan on making before and after pictures. they wont be posted on lj but they'll definitely be on fb. i promised people that i would do that....

i'm a humongous bookworm... ok, actually, i'm really itty bitty but i compensate for that with my alarming appetite for books. in any case, my favorite author is sherrilyn kenyon while my favorite book is "acheron"... so i'm eagerly awaiting her new book which comes out a week from tuesday... i'm like, all jittery out of excitement. i hope to purchase the book soon so i can read it but i doubt i'll have the ability to attain it. which is ok, i suppose since i meant to save the money i earned from helping my aunt move stuff into her basement. it also allows time for the other books in the series to come out.

meh. i think thats about it for now. i'm really hungry and i'm gonna go scavenging for food. laters...



misery loves manga

arg..... i want the next volume of red river and so far mangafox only has 1-22 and 26-28. i want volumes 23-25, i'm getting pretty antsy here. i was placidly reading (while excitedly trying to find out what happens next) only to find the volume ended. this is freaking me out. i cant go to another site 'cause the others suck... although onemanga doesnt go any farther than mangafox... although perhaps thats because the other volumes havent come out yet... wait, nope, it goes up to, as far as i see, 24 with number 25 coming out in april. grrrr. i want that manga. anyways going now, ciao

pick your piss pot

okay, public bathrooms are one of the many entirely disgusting things in this world (and probably many others) the typical consensus is that the boys bathroom is more disgusting than the boys b.r. frankly, i would have some reference because i've been in both the girls and boys bathroom (not willingly, it was a dare) so i've seen both sides. i have to say that although the boys b.r. smells worse, its no where near as bad as the girls. in the boys b.r. all you have to worry about is piss, shit and maybe semen, if the boys are daring. in the girls, you have to deal with piss, shit, semen, menstrual blood and hair in the sink drains.... okay, that is disgusting!!!!! especially if the dont flush and drip blood on the floor....

anyways, i had some other things to say but now i cant remember what it was...


say this sooner

i just thought i'd comment on this, its amazing at how fast it gets cold here in jersey. just a couple weeks ago, i was complaining about how hot it was and now, here i am, bundling up in sweaters huddle up for warmth. of course, the only reason why i'm doing that is because it hurts to type if my hands get too cold. i actually like the cold (although i prefer sleeping in a nice and cozy temperature)... i also keep a stress penguin (its like a stress ball except in the shape of a penguin) in my guitar case for when my hands get too stiff when it's cold in the guitar room. even so, my hands are normally cold. my friends love that fact when they have a headache ('cause then they use my hands as a cold press) and hate it when i surprise them with ice cold palms on the back of their necks...

anyway, toni loaned me a crap load of cds. i ripped them all yesterday but i havent listened to all of them yet.... i really liked the almost's "amazing, because it is" i dont know why since its so religious... anyways. i do have to say, though, that i tested out cobra starship last year and found it wasnt my style and now that i listen to it again, i find its good/ actually okay... at first, when toni handed me a pile of cds of people i didnt know (except for santana and afi) i was a little wary since toni's tastes in music dont always align with mine and, after all, you have to take everything with a grain of salt.... now, well... i'll just see about the other albums....

also, my story on ff.net (cariamata) now has four chapters (including prologue). but i'm presently working on finishing chapter five and copying and typing chapter four. chapter four was originally written on a separate set of paper because i was writing it ahead of time... meaning i was writing it while writing chapters two and three. the same can be said for chapter five.... either way, the story is about half way through, i think, and its 30.5 pages in microsoft word in single spaced comic sans ms size 10 type... which is saying something, i guess... since my previous two pieces, a couple of short stories (ne oublie, cuimnich and princess in waiting; both based around the scottish highlands) are about 30 pages double spaced times new roman size 12.

anyways, i dont know why i continue to babble.

crush truth, spread evil

um... in void today so spoiled self. had cheese cake for breakfast and steak for dinner... and lots of coffee ice cream for dessert. my kitty tried to eat some of it, too

thats all i wanted to say, ciao